I dared to call myself beautiful
And to believe that I am worthy enough
I dared to forgive myself
And to believe in mercy for my trespasses
I spent time searching for the door to my healing
Cried streams of tears into Florida ocean water
Allowed my tribe of Black women to exchange stories of pain with me
And I pressed my scars against paper to write my own story
I tried to find the rhythm in easy breath
Loosen the knots in my stomach
Let my feet touch solid ground
And center myself in moments of present
But misery and angst kept knocking at my door
Telling me I should surrender because my kind only knows pain
Memories of my past crept in my mind at all times of day
And I became frantic when I felt my grip loosen from peace
We talk a lot about forgiveness
But people seldomly speak about grace towards yourself
See, I grit my teeth and clench my jaws
Because I still carry shame for the times I took in somebody else’s issues
And made them my own
I let ancient teachings of oppression convince me this world didn’t need another Black girl
At least, not one like me
I desperately went around knocking on doors, hoping someone would invite me in
I buried the pieces of me that make me whole
Because I feared no one would ever want them
But, I am healing now
Turns out, the pieces that I buried were my antidote
I’m following God’s lead and learning more about forgiveness
I have offended myself and others
Because I didn’t know how to tame trauma
But, I am healing now
I dared to call myself beautiful
And to believe that I am worthy enough
I dared to forgive myself
And to believe in mercy for my trespasses
